(no subject)

[nola_laurielaurence]

I'm in the market for a new best friend because I had to block the old one. It's an extremely sad story, but I'm moving on as well as I can.

But please leave your best friend qualifications here in case you're interested. I can provide references (of the self-referential variety—remember, I had to block the old one).

Comments

[nola_deadpool]

What’s your friend policy on sexual favors?

[nola_laurielaurence]

Unfortunately that is only open to best friends of the female variety.

[nola_deadpool]

I withdraw my application but wish you well on your search!!!

[nola_laurielaurence]

I understand.

[nola_deadpool]

What’s your criteria? I could join the hiring committee

[nola_laurielaurence]

1. Sense of humor
2. Open communication
3. Laughing at my great jokes
4. Emotional support
5. Miscellaneous

[nola_deadpool]

No one has all 5 of those things

[nola_laurielaurence]

Someone might!

[nola_deadpool]

I only have number 5!

[nola_laurielaurence]

We would never have suited.

[nola_deadpool]

I miss us, or the us that might have been

[nola_laurielaurence]

In another life.

[nola_deadpool]

Do you want me to destroy your ex-friend?

[nola_laurielaurence]

Thank you, but no. I want him to suffer my absence.

[nola_eleanor]

You have at least 1, 3, AND 5!

[nola_deadpool]

Oh hey friend!!

[nola_eleanor]

I'm here to defend your friend honor! In a completely unnecessary and gratuitous way! (Maybe I just wanna challenge someone to a duel? idk)

[nola_deadpool]

I wanna watch a duel!

[nola_jomarch]

But this is like...all friends, right? Do people have friends who don't meet all these? I'm worried now!

[nola_laurielaurence]

My old best friend severely fell down on #3.

[nola_jomarch]

Was the joke at his expense or otherwise offensive?

[nola_laurielaurence]

Never!

[nola_jomarch]

You never know! I had to make sure I wasn't actually totally on his side here. But yes, compatible senses of humor are important! Actually, it's not just people having 1-5, it's people having compatible forms of 1-5 that really matter. Someone could easily have all five things in their other relationships but not make a good friend for you.

[nola_laurielaurence]

See, YOU understand! Thank you! Do you happen to be looking for a best friend?

[nola_jomarch]

I don't know if I'd say looking, but I'm definitely open to new friend possibilities! It would definitely make being a weirdo hermit look less alarming to my parents.